Some of the scariest sci fi movies have as their premise the idea that malevolent aliens are living among us—but they look just like everyone else. You can’t tell from their appearance or public behavior that they’re aliens, so they’re free to pursue their agenda without interference or detection until it’s too late. Of course, I’ve always told myself that, as chilling as this premise might be, it’s fiction. But what if these stories actually represent a frightening metaphor instead of a flight-of-fancy horror story?

 

For me, an information junkie, one of the addictive things about writing novels is that that I need to undertake research into any number of subjects while I’m writing them. The novel I’m currently working on has drawn me into a study of sociopathy. As I tackled my reading list, I began to realize that it’s a poorly understood phenomenon among the general public. And that this can actually be dangerous.

 

Researchers into antisocial personality disorders and therapists who treat targets of sociopaths often remark that the ability to recognize sociopathic behavior in the early stages of a relationship—pick up on “red flags”—and end it then could save significant heartbreak, trauma, financial ruin, physical and mental breakdowns, even lives. One therapist estimates that in her practice to treat Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, she treats as many victims of sociopaths as she does survivors of natural disasters and horrific accidents. In the same way that we learn how to swim so we won’t drown, not to play with matches so we won’t burn up our houses, and to drive defensively so we can avoid getting in a wreck, being able to spot a human predator should be part of our most basic and primary education.

 

Most people, when they think of a sociopath, think of Hannibal Lector or Ted Bundy. It’s true that most serial killers are sociopaths, but most sociopaths are not serial killers. In fact, the majority of sociopaths are not in prison, nor are most prisoners sociopaths. It’s estimated that anywhere from one to four percent of the American population fits the category of antisocial (the most recent term for the disorder, which, IMHO, makes it sound a lot more benign than it is); twenty percent of the prison population is sociopathic. So, they are represented in higher numbers in prison, but many of their activities are not technically illegal.

 

For example, a sociopath might gain the trust of a romantic interest and convince him or her to invest in their schemes again and again until their lover is bankrupt; once bankrupt, the target is discarded as no longer useful. Some sociopaths merely mooch their way through life, never bothered by their parasitic behavior. Others are love-’em-and-leave-’em Lotharios. Some operate on Wall Street or other corridors of power, including the entertainment industry (which seems to enjoy casting sociopaths in a romantic light, or, misleadingly, as redeemable).

 

In addition, most sociopaths are masters at keeping this side of themselves secret; they’re well known for being able to lie without a qualm, even to beat lie detector tests, and they court their targets assiduously and seductively in the beginning. Because of these factors, they are usually free to operate in society just like everyone else, wreaking an amazing amount of devastation for their relatively small numbers. If the statistics are accurate, chances are that among 200 acquaintances, two to eight of them could be sociopaths. (This is still a much higher number than I would have predicted before beginning my research, high enough to make me want to be informed.)

 

Being courted, used, devalued, then discarded by a sociopath is often referred to as experiencing “emotional rape,” or “mind rape.” According to targets’ accounts (in the recovery community of those who have suffered a relationship with a sociopath, the term “target” is preferred to “victim”), it’s nearly impossible to understand the devastation a relationship of this kind can cause unless you’ve experienced it. But according to experts, it’s important that we try, so that we impress upon ourselves what could be at stake for us personally, particularly when we’ve experienced a recent life blow that weakens us—for example, a divorce, death of a loved one, loss of a job or business, or caretaking a terminally ill relative. These individuals are literally predators. They prey on other people and they usually make their move when they perceive that someone is weakened or vulnerable. And they don’t necessarily operate in ways you might think.

 

Most of us, when we hear the word “sociopath,” think of someone who looks or acts crazy or “off.” But in fact, one of the hallmarks of most true sociopaths is their charm, even charisma. One recent example is Philip Markoff, aka the Med Student Murderer. Everyone who knew him was shocked when he was arrested, and they all protested that he was the most delightful person ever, not realizing that in fact, they were describing the profile of a true psychopath. Most famously, Ted Bundy was known for his charm and apparently had two live-in girlfriends who hadn’t a clue that he was a serial murderer.

 

Some sociopaths are what are known as “abrasive sociopaths,” which means that their cluelessness, pathology, and sense of entitlement makes them very unpleasant to be around and easily identified. But more often, they are charming and successful.

 

 

Sociopaths, according to recent research into the disorder, are motivated almost entirely by their desire for dominance, status, and power. They feel completely entitled to whatever they want, and are willing to do whatever it takes to get it: lie, steal, seduce, romance, pose, plagiarize, cheat, etc. They are also motivated by their extreme need for entertainment and stimulation, coupled with their tendency to become bored quickly. However, their definition of “entertainment” differs quite a bit from what most of us would consider entertainment.

 

For example, a sociopath might find it entertaining to see if he or she could successfully seduce someone who’s happily married, then dump the person once they’ve achieved their goal. They might find it amusing to see if they could destroy the credibility or career of a rival. They might consider it a kick to see if they could pull the wool over the eyes of everyone in an organization, even one that has a charitable mission, and bilk it of funds. The activities that occur to a sociopath would rarely, if ever, occur to someone who doesn’t possess this disorder.

 

 

A good deal of the success of sociopaths lies in their invisibility. They are often professionally successful, even pillars of society. In addition, they always believe, no matter what, that they are in the right, which convinces those who don’t have the whole story, and they often “gaslight” their targets, starting after or sometimes before what is known in the recovery community as the “devalue and discard.” Gaslighting is a process by which a sociopath subtly and skillfully calls the sanity or credibility of their target in question so that no one will believe them if they try to blow the whistle. Usually, the best targets can do is keep their mouths shut while they try to recover, leaving the sociopath free to move on to their next target, lest they play even more into the sociopath’s hands.

 

Sometimes, though, targets are forced to try to protect themselves legally as much as possible. However, sociopaths are also well-known for snookering lawyers, judges and juries—even therapists. They can lie without the least appearance of guile or shiftiness, they are masters of manipulation, and they honestly never feel that they’ve done anything wrong (whatever happens, it’s someone else’s fault), which again, often convinces judges and juries, even expert witnesses. At the same time, their target is usually distraught and highly emotional from their betrayal, undercutting whatever credibility they might have.

 

 

Interestingly, the United States has one of the highest rates of sociopathy in the world, possibly because we view some of these qualities favorably, thinking that they reflect admirable Social Darwinism, survival of the fittest (where “fittest” is defined narrowly and inaccurately). Researchers now think that the disorder is fifty percent genetic and fifty percent environmental. So, a tendency might exist but could be counteracted by upbringing. Instead, our societal values often encourage a budding sociopath rather than trying to mitigate the behavior, the way cultures do that value cooperation over competition. Once a personality disorder is established, these individuals do not change or get better. In the case of sociopaths particularly, they’re not unhappy with the way they are; so there’s no motivation to change, even if they could.

 

 

My next two posts will look at the modus operandi, red flags, and patterns of sociopaths, to help you recognize the behavior should you ever have the misfortune to encounter it. Another post will discuss the types of people who seem to attract, and be attracted to, sociopaths. Something to keep in mind: If a sociopath doesn’t target you, it’s not because he or she likes you or feels sorry for you. It’s only because you either have nothing they want, or they don’t think they can con you. Forewarned is forearmed.